Now gluten-free!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Announcing the Iowa Pumpkin Tax

Food is not subject to sales tax under Iowa state law, unless you might carve a face into it. The Iowa Department of Revenue has just implemented a new policy that subjects pumpkins to sales tax, under the assumption that they are likely going to be used for decoration rather than for food.

You can read the full story here.

I'm so glad they discovered this loophole that has allowed gigantic corporate pumpkin farmers and wealthy food-based home-decorators to escape paying their fair share of taxes! With the extra income collected from this, they can finally outfit the state capitol building with some decent Halloween decorations! Now they just have to get after those walnuts that people put out on their coffee tables and nobody eats!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

In Memory of the World's Oldest Animal (1597? - 2007)

The oldest known living animal is no longer with us. From FOXNews:
    British marine biologists have found what may be the oldest living animal — that is, until they killed it.

    The team from Bangor University in Wales was dredging the waters north of Iceland as part of routine research when the unfortunate specimen, belonging to the clam species Arctica islandica, commonly known as the ocean quahog, was hauled up from waters 250 feet deep.

    Only after researchers cut through its shell, which made it more of an ex-clam, and counted its growth rings did they realize how old it had been — between 405 and 410 years old.
I just have one question: How did the chowder taste?

Squirrel Roundup (October 30, 2007)

Here's a quick look at what our fiendish furry foes are up to...

  • Squirrels safe to eat again in New Jersey
    In January, the Garden State warned hunters and residents near a toxic waste dump in Ringwood in North Jersey to limit their consumption of squirrel after the feds thought they found lead in a dead squirrel. Officials now say it was a false alarm. (More...)

  • Red squirrels 'face deadly virus'
    The endangered red squirrel population of Anglesey's Newborough Forest is facing a new killer virus, experts say.

    One animal is known to have died of a deadly adenovirus, the first documented case in Wales. Two others are thought likely to be diagnosed with the virus. (More...)

  • Fat squirrel trapped behind bars
    A grey squirrel had to be rescued from a bird feeder as it had gorged on so many nuts it could not squeeze back out through the bars. (More...)

  • Squirrel causes power cut
    A squirrel caused a power cut at Worcestershire Royal Hospital and more than 3,000 homes and businesses in Worcester this morning.

    The power failure occured at about 11.15am and also affected Worcester Fire and Rescue Service headquarters in Charles Hastings Way, Worcester. (More...)

  • The Big Squirrel Uprising of 2007 is now underway
    There are more of them now, and they tend to gather and stare in much the same way the birds stared at Tippi Hedren before trying to peck her eyes out.

    On my walk each morning, the squirrels I meet up with have barely concealed contempt for me. They don't even bother moving out of my way any longer.

    One of them throws nuts at the top of my head when I walk beneath the shagbark hickory tree on my route. The nuts are encased in thick green husks, large enough to do me in if the squirrel's aim is just right. It's only a matter of time. (More...)

  • Ask the Gazette: Squirrel Attacks
    What's the worst thing that a squirrel has ever done to anyone?


    (More...)

    Be afraid. Be very afraid.

  • Saturday, October 27, 2007

    FEMA Strikes Again



    This has gotta be a first! ....Well, sadly, it's probably not...everything's been done before....

    Turns out that FEMA staged a press conference last week with no press! The press conference, regarding the California wildfires, was announced only 15 minutes ahead of time, thus no actual reporters showed up. But, they were televising it live, and were afraid to look dumb, so they went ahead and got dumber. They had FEMA employees pose as reporters to ask questions. You can imagine how critical and probing the questions were!

    You can read the whole story from numerous sources here.

    Deep Fried Beverages?

    I thought I had seen just about every kind of state fair food there was, but this one really takes the cake (or Coke, as it were):
      There are fried Twinkies and even fried candy bars.

      Now, vendor Abel Gonzales Jr. has come up with a new artery-clogging concoction for the State Fair of Texas. It's fried Coke.

      Gonzales deep-fries Coca-Cola-flavored batter. He then drizzles Coke fountain syrup on it. The fried Coke is topped with whipped cream, cinnamon sugar and a cherry. Gonzales said the fried Coke came about just from thinking aloud.

      Gonzales' diet-buster wins the creativity honor at the second-annual Big Tex Choice Awards Contest.

    Now if they can only figure out a way to put it on a stick...

    Thursday, October 25, 2007

    Speaking of Star Trek...

    You may have already seen the teaser poster:


    J. J. Abrams, co-creator of the hit TV series LOST, has signed on to direct the 11th Star Trek movie. The story will focus on the early adventures of Kirk and Spock and will feature an entirely new cast. Here's who they have so far:Logically, Leonard Nimoy will make an appearance as an older Spock. For updates, visit TrekMovie.com.

    Monday, October 22, 2007

    May the Shat Be with You

    William Shatner ain't as cool as he used to be, but he's still got it.

    Sunday, October 21, 2007

    The Shat Is Where It's At

    Will there ever again be someone as cool as William Shatner?
    Perhaps, but I think it's gonna be a long, long time.

    Friday, October 19, 2007

    Speaking of Television

    This new Sony Bravia looks like it could really make a mess of your family room:


    TV Transmitters Explained

    Here's everything you need to know about television engineering:



    Update: more of the monitors are color now, there's about 1/3 the number of engineers, and their glasses have wire rims.

    Now that you know everything, please send your resume to KCCI-TV. Persons who enjoy working rotating shifts for peanuts encouraged to apply!

    Thursday, October 18, 2007

    Thursday, October 11, 2007

    I Can't Hear You; I'm Wearing Long Sleeves

    Just when you start to think art has already hit rock bottom, it manages to sink to a new low. From the Daily Mail:
      Performance artists are known for pushing the bounderies, but one Australian has astonished his contemporaries by having a third ear implanted onto his arm.

      The Cypriot-born eccentric Stelios Arcadious spent 10 years searching for a surgeon willing to perform the controversial operation.

      He got his wish after working as a Research Fellow at Nottingham Trent University's Digital Research Unit. The ear was grown in a lab from cells and implanted into the 61-year-olds left forearm in 2006.

      Mr Arcadious said he thought art "should be more than simply illustrating ideas." Once the ear has fully developed he hopes to get a microphone implanted as well.

      "It is more of a relief at present than an ear but it is still recognisable as an ear," he said.
    A third ear? I hope he's stocking up on Q-Tips.

    Friday, October 05, 2007

    Magical Mystery (Meat) Tour

    You've heard it said that no one wants to know what goes into the making of sausage or politics. Well, inquiring minds do want to know, and thanks to photographer Mike Adams we can at least catch a glimpse of the former.

    Come and behold the strange, exotic world of Mystery Meat Macrophotography! Enter here -- if you dare!

    Tuesday, October 02, 2007

    Transparent Amphibian? No Fibbin'!


    In science news, the Japanese have successfully bred transparent frogs:
      HIROSHIMA, Japan - Scientists at Hiroshima University have succeeded in breeding see-through frogs — an innovation that could cut down on future dissections.

      Transparent fishes have been around for a long time, but Professor Masayuki Sumida said the new line of frogs were the world's first transparent four-legged animals.
    Initial reports indicate that they still taste like chicken.

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