Now gluten-free!

Thursday, January 31, 2008

A Thrilling Commute

Not your average train ride on the London Underground...

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Smurf's Up!

395 Croatian men, women, and children gathered together in an effort to set a new Guiness World Record of having the largest number of Smurfs in one location.

Their success was reported in Croatian TV, radio, and print media outlets, but it turned out to be a waste of time. You see, the previous record of 290, set by a group of Americans, had already been broken by 451 students at England's Warwick University last year.

Sorry, my Croatian friends. Better Smurf next time.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Old Kids on the Block

First the Spice Girls reunited, and now it appears the New Kids on the Block are getting back together.

My sisters are gonna freak.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Lego Turns 50

Today's Google banner:

From today's Star Tribune article:
"The original Lego brick turns 50 years old today, and the company estimates that there are 62 Lego bricks for every one of the world's inhabitants."
Of course, that 62-brick-per-person share has been unevenly distributed. The population of at least one third-world nation was deprived of its share by the Wilde household when my brothers and I were kids. Lego is not a socialist toy; in addition to mechanical and creative skills, it teaches capitalism and negotiation skills. In spite of our vast collection, we still had to settle numerous conflicts over who's project was most needful of the last "big black wheel".

I question the 50-year-old figure, though. Here's some convincing archaeological evidence that Legos date back at least as far as the 10th century A.D.:

Friday, January 25, 2008

Proof of Bigfoot Found on Mars!

A mysterious "creature" has been sighted on the Martian surface. My theory: It's the ever-elusive North American Sasquatch.

Sure, go ahead and laugh. But compare the image sent back from Mars to the famous Patterson film:
And I'm not the only one who thinks so. Really.

Pictures don't lie, people.

The bottom line is that we're probably dealing with a technologically advanced society of planet-hopping primates -- which, if you think about it, would explain why we have such a hard time finding them here on Earth.

Debate Prompter?

Was Mitt Romney being coached by an off-camera voice during the last GOP debate?
Suddenly, his plastic, robotic appearance makes sense.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

3 Minutes and 59 Seconds of Fame

After 15 years of hiding in the equipment racks, I finally got dragged on camera.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Don't Have a Cow, Man!

Britain's mad scientists are at it again. They now have government approval to go ahead with the first human-animal embryo trials -- in this case, human-cow hybrids.

Scientists at King's College London and the University of Newcastle-upon-Tyne will conduct experiments involving the injection human DNA into empty cow eggs in order to create "cytoplasmic hybrids," which, in genetic terms, are 99.9% human.

All ethical questions aside, I'm afraid of an army of mutant minotaurs rising up and trying to take over the world. Where's Theseus when you need him?

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Barking Up the Right Tree

Scientists with a lot of grant money (and even more time) to waste have developed a computer program that can translate dog barks. Based on their tests they have concluded the program can distinguish between words like "stranger," "fight," "walk," "alone," "ball," and "play."

Good for them. Perhaps this is the first step toward a gadget that translates human language into something even the dumbest dog can understand.
Dawn and I would be first in line to purchase such a device. Of course, I'm still trying to figure out the difference between a dumb dog and a defiant dog.
That's kind of a fine line there.

Well, if anything, at least we now know what that dog was saying at the end of every Family Ties episode...

    "Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog."

Monday, January 14, 2008

Canadian Know-How

Here's a helpful automotive tip from the best do-it-yourself show on TV, The Red Green Show:

Friday, January 11, 2008

All in the Family

File this in the "Unbelievable but True" category:
    Twins separated at birth have married each other without realizing they were brother and sister, it has been revealed.

    The British couple's marriage has now been annulled by the High Court after judges ruled the marriage had never validly existed.

    The identities of the brother and sister and details of how they fell in love and married are being kept secret. Soon after they were born they were separated and adopted by different families.
You've probably noticed that when a couple has been married a long time they start to look like each other. If, however, they look like each other right off the bat...well...that should probably raise a red flag.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Monday, January 07, 2008

Hold that Tiger!

LSU - 38
OSU - 24

Congratulations, Tigers, on being the first team to win two BCS championships!

Ladies and Gentlemen...

...we goin' to the 'ship!

Tonight at 7:15 pm (CT) on Fox. Be there!

Friday, January 04, 2008

Getting Pumped for the Big Game

We don't know exactly what we'll see in the Big Game on Monday night, but if these top ten LSU plays are any indication, we're in for a real treat...


Tuesday, January 01, 2008

A Sneak Peek at 2008

In keeping with tradition, presents a glimpse at some of the news items we may have to look forward to in the coming year...

January: The Iowa Caucuses are upon us. People are excited about the upcoming primary elections, and school teachers struggle to get kids to learn where Iowa is on the map -- especially kids in Iowa. Well, come on, give them a break. It's a state that only gets mentioned every four years.

February: After struggling through a difficult season, the New England Patriots surprise everyone by winning the Super Bowl. "We're all shocked," quarterback Tom Brady says in a post-game interview. "With the record we had going into this game, we just didn't think it was possible. But we're living proof that miracles can happen."

March: Speaking of sports, "March Madness" is officially added to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders as a legitimate illness. Sorry, wives, but the only cure is to just let your husbands get it out of their systems. Oh, yeah, and a couple chili dogs and a plate of nachos won't hurt, either. And could you bring me another beer from the fridge when you come back? Thanks, dear. You're the best!

April: It's tax time, and people send in their hard-earned money to Uncle Sam. Ironically, Ron Paul, who is campaigning on slashing spending, cutting taxes, and eliminating the IRS, raises more money in 24 hours than the government did all last year.

May: ABC announces its fall prime-time lineup. Among the shows making their debut later this year is Don't Tase Me, Bro!, a sitcom starring YouTube sensation Andrew Meyer.

June: True love triumphs! Britney Spears and Kevin Federline get back together. (Sorry, girls, he's off the market.) Naturally, their children are taken immediately and placed in foster care for their own protection.

July: At 232 years of age, America is only 232 years removed from the vision of freedom the Founding Fathers had for this country. That's cause for celebration, so tonight let's party like it's 1776!

August: Having invested millions of man-hours and billions of dollars in preparation for the festivities, China is finally ready, and athletes from around the world converge on Beijing for the 2008 Summer Olympics. "Uh, wait a minute," says one communist official. "Did you say Summer Olympics?!"

September: The 2008 Republican National Convention nominates Ron Paul as the GOP presidential candidate for the upcoming election. Frustrated, pro-establishment commentators Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity decide to endorse Barack Obama.

October: It's Halloween, and Al Gore would like to help parents combat global warming with a few inconvenient tips. He suggests fashioning your child's costume from recyclable material. For example, aluminum cans duct-taped all over a kid makes for a great robot. And teach them to say "Trick or organic treats that were produced locally and don't exploit Third World workers" when they ring the neighbor's doorbell. Let's all do our part to keep that carbon footprint to a size two or three, OK?

November: Election Day arrives. Ron Paul defeats Barack Obama in a landslide to become the 44th president-elect of these United States. Jim Robinson, founder of the neoconservative forum, praises the result and posts the following message: "This is indeed a bright day for freedom-lovers everywhere. We FReepers stood behind Ron Paul all along, and it's great to see that all our hard work has finally paid off. By the way, anyone questioning me on this will be banned from ever posting here again."

December: Hey, Ron Paul won the election. I got what I wanted for Christmas. Here's to the holiday season and hope for the New Year. Cheers!

You're Good Enough, You're Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like You

A word of encouragement for the new year from Stuart Smalley, The Secret, and, of course, Joel Osteen...

Related Posts Widget for Blogs by LinkWithin