Now gluten-free!

Monday, March 31, 2008

Are Twins Fans Sure They Want an Outdoor Stadium?

    The Minnesota Twins host the Anaheim Angels at the Metrodome Monday evening -- a game that likely would have been canceled if the Twins were already in their new outdoor ballpark.

    Twins spokesman Kevin Smith said when the ballpark opens in 2010, the team will likely work with league officials to schedule a later home opener to decrease the likelihood of a snow-out.

Winter storm advisories. Heavy snow warnings. Yep. It's baseball season in Minnesota.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

How Did You Celebrate Earth Hour?

Yesterday at 8:00 pm was Earth Hour. Did you remember to turn off all your non-essential lights and electrical appliances? If not, then you just might be one of those non-conformists hated so much by the pagan cult of Earth-worshipers. And I, for one, salute you.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Best. Series. Ever.

The Twilight Zone. Hands down.

Coming in at #26 on TV Guide's list of the 50 best shows of all-time, its superb writing covered just about every genre: science fiction, drama, horror, comedy, romance. The show also featured great acting, thanks to a long parade of guest stars who were either already household names or would soon go on to commercial success. Among them were Mickey Rooney, Burgess Meredith, Dennis Hopper, William Shatner, Joyce Van Patten, Roddy McDowall, Charles Bronson, Burt Reynolds, Vera Miles, Peter Falk, Martin Landau, Donald Pleasance, Lee Marvin, Julie Newmar, Leonard Nimoy, and Robert Duvall, just to name a few, and countless other popular character actors.

Some stand-out episodes:Incidentally, TV Guide listed Hogan's Heroes (another one of my favorite shows) as the fifth worst show of all time. Jeers to TV Guide. Jeers, I say!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Make a TV Antenna with Coat Hangers

I think coat hangers ought to be ranked second only to duct tape for their universal usefulness.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Another Reason to Hate Daylight Saving Time

I was out of town on the weekend of the "Big Change." As usual, I set the alarm on my cell phone to rouse me in the a.m. Since I'm not a very trusting person, I also set the hotel's bedside alarm clock as a back-up.

Not surprisingly, it was the alarm clock that woke me.

Since I am a very inquisitive person, I scrolled through the settings on my cell phone to see what went wrong. Had the clock reset to Central Daylight Time? Yes. Was the alarm on? Yes. Was it set for the correct time? Aha! It was off by (yes, you guessed it) one hour: 7:00 instead of 6:00.

Now, I have seen cell phone clocks fail to adjust automatically to coincide with this idiotic time-shift, but for the time of the alarm to jump ahead? There was a distinct possibility that I could have ended up oversleeping by two whole hours!

Pretty clever, daylight saving time. You almost got me. Pardon the expression, but you'll have to get up pretty early to fool me. I won't rest until I put you out of my misery once and for all.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

We Need More Rules

Since turning schools into gun-free zones has ended school shootings and made kids safer, why not carry that same unassailable logic further and make kids healthier? Well, one school did just that.

Sheridan Middle School, in New Haven, Connecticut, has banned all candy sales as part of a district-wide wellness policy. Naturally, you can always count on one or two miscreants to rock the boat, and one eighth-grade honors student thought he could get away with buying a bag of Skittles from another student.

What insolence! It is that kind of brazen disregard for authority that puts society as a whole at risk.

Fortunately, law and order won out and the rebellious student received a one-day suspension, was barred from attending an honors student dinner, and was stripped of his title as class vice president. That should teach the little brat.

Look. It's simple. Just as the banning of guns on school grounds means no dead kids, it is only logical to conclude that the banning of candy sales means no fat kids. You just can't argue with that kind of reasoning.

But if you dare to question authority and flout the rules put in place for your own protection, even without realizing it, then you must be made to suffer the harshest of consequences. Anything less would be seen as a sign of weakness, and without a strong, centralized authority, civilization as we know it would collapse.

UPDATE: The same school district, back in 1993, approved a plan to distribute condoms to kids as early as the fifth grade. Thank goodness for public "education"!

Monday, March 10, 2008

Why I Buy Drinking Water

Here's why:
    A vast array of pharmaceuticals -- including antibiotics, anti-convulsants, mood stabilizers and sex hormones -- have been found in the drinking water supplies of at least 41 million Americans, an Associated Press investigation shows.

    To be sure, the concentrations of these pharmaceuticals are tiny, measured in quantities of parts per billion or trillion, far below the levels of a medical dose. Also, utilities insist their water is safe.

    But the presence of so many prescription drugs -- and over-the-counter medicines like acetaminophen and ibuprofen -- in so much of our drinking water is heightening worries among scientists of long-term consequences to human health.
Call me paranoid, but until they come up with a cost-effective reverse osmosis filtration system for the entire house, I'll probably continue to buy my drinking water.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

It's for the Children

If we have learned anything from politicians, it's this: Any idiot can sell a dumb idea as long as he convinces people it's for the children. What's happening in Chicago is more proof of that:
    Tiny plastic bags used to sell small quantities of heroin, crack cocaine, marijuana and other drugs would be banned in Chicago, under a crackdown advanced Tuesday by a City Council committee.

    The baggy that's threatening to destroy Chicago's childrenAld. Robert Fioretti (2nd) persuaded the Health Committee to ban possession of "self-sealing plastic bags under two inches in either height or width," after picking up 15 of the bags on a recent Sunday afternoon stroll through a West Side park. ...

    ... Health Committee Chairman Ed Smith (28th) said the ban is part of a desperate effort to stop what he called "the most destructive force" in Chicago neighborhoods.

    "We need to use every measure that we possibly can to stop it because it is destroying our kids," he said.
So, it seems the children of Chicago will finally be safe from the evil, miniature plastic baggies that are threatening to destroy them. But who will protect them from stupid politicians?

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Now THAT'S What I Call Conceal-Carry!

SwissMiniGun introduces the C1ST, the smallest revolver in the world:
It's total length does not exceed 5.5 cm.

It shoots 2.34 mm calibre rim fire ammunition which we have developed for it and which is the smallest rim fire ammunition in the World.

This miniature is a double action revolver and has all the same features as are found on a real size gun.

The manufacture of this exceptional miniature revolver has only been possible by exploiting the incomparable expertise and latest technologies of the Swiss Watch and Jewellery Industry, upon which its worldwide reputation is built.

Our revolver and its ammunition are 100% Swiss Made.

SwissMiniGun is a fully authorized and licenced gunsmith company in Switzerland.
Naturally, this weapon of mass destruction, with an astronomical range of nearly 370 feet, is banned from being imported into the Land of the Free. Why? Because the "barrel is less than three inches, meaning it is deemed too small to qualify for sporting purposes."

I guess that makes sense. After all, when the Founding Fathers sought to keep the federal government from infringing upon the right to keep and bear arms, they were only thinking about guns used for sporting purposes.

The C1ST in action:

Monday, March 03, 2008

Squirrel Roundup (March 3, 2008)

  • Bushy-tailed bullies
    Shocking true stories of squirrel attacks from the campus of Washington University. (More...)

  • You're either with us, or you're with the squirrels
    It seems the guy in Manhattan who is building houses for the squirrels in City Hall Park has already decided which side he's on. (More...)

  • Target practice
    White albino squirrels make much easier targets than their more colorful comrades. Darren Clark has no excuse for his inaction. (More...)

  • Terrorist attack causes power outage
    What do you know? Yet another electrical outage courtesy of our friendly neighborhood tree rat. (More...)

  • Red vs. Grey
    Sectarian violence among squirrels continues in the U.K. (More...)

  • The "Screaming Squirrel"
    Believe it or not, this squirrel isn't nearly as dangerous as it's smaller, furrier counterparts:

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