Now gluten-free!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Vikings Fan Auctions Off His Allegiance on eBay

"Pickle4200" is one Minnesotan who is done with the Vikings:
    I am auctioning off my allegiance to any NFL team. I am/was a Vikings fan before last night's loss to the Saints. I can't continue to put myself through the torment of being a Vikings fan year after year. I need a new team, help me decide where my new allegiance will be. A little background on me, and how I got to this point... I am a 30 year old Minnesota native, and have been a die hard Vikings fan my entire life. After last night's loss to the Saint's, I have decided to move in a different direction. Losing isn't what bothers me, it is the way in which we lose. The Vikings have a way of building your excitment to a peak and then crushing your spirit, ripping out your heart and stomping on it. I can't take it anymore...The Gary Anderson miss field goal, 41-0, and now 12 men in the huddle followed with an interception... I AM DONE! Please help! Top bidder gets to choose my new NFL team!
Somebody takes his football way too seriously.

A Variation on the Five-Second Rule

Everyone knows the Five-Second Rule. It states that if a piece of food falls on the floor and is retrieved within five seconds, it is safe to eat.

Of course, it's not set in stone because there are always other factors to consider. Thankfully, someone has come up with a handy flow chart to make it a little easier to decide whether or not one should consume grounded grub...

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Technical Foul

Leave it to a former pro "wrestling" promoter to come up with an idiotic idea for an otherwise legitimate sport. Don "Moose" Lewis recently announced his plans to launch a new basketball league in June. According to the press release, "only players that are natural-born United State citizens with both parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league."

There remains some speculation as to whether this is real or just some sick joke. Either way, it sounds like someone is just desperate for attention.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Floor Collapses at Weight Watchers Clinic

20 members of Weight Watchers gathered for a meeting at a clinic in Växjö, Sweden. As they were lining up to weigh in, the floor collapsed. (No one was injured in the incident, so it's OK to laugh.) The cause of the collapse is reportedly still under investigation.

Really? No idea what might have caused it?

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Anatomy of a Brain Fart

You've driven home the same way every day for the last 10 years, but today you missed your exit. Don't worry. You're not going senile. You just had a brain fart:
    The latest research seems to indicate that brain farts are a unique type of cognitive mistake. Unlike errors caused by lack of information or experience, or by distractions, brain farts are innate. They have a predictable neural pattern that emerges up to 30 seconds before they happen. When you are absorbed in inward-focused thinking such as daydreaming, a collection of brain regions jointly called the default mode network (DMN) starts furiously popping away. Neuroscientists don't agree on exactly which parts of the brain compose this network, but they now believe it is one of the busiest neurological systems. All that activity may help explain why the adult brain, which represents only about 2 percent of the body’s total weight, consumes up to 20 percent of its energy. The DMN, while still somewhat mysterious, seems to play many critical roles in overall brain function. It may facilitate the processing of external stimuli by acting as a sort of bushwhacker, carving out communications pathways in the brain. It may foster imagina­tion and creativity. It also appears to be the main culprit in brain farts. Recent findings begin to explain why we are so prone to dumb goofs. Basically, the brain is a lazy beast; it will take any opportunity to shut down some of its processing systems. "Brains love to pick up regularities, patterns, rules," says Vince Calhoun, an expert in MRI analysis at the University of New Mexico. "As you generate an expectation, you become less attentive."
Read more on this all-too-common phenomenon here.

Monday, January 11, 2010

What Global Warming?

You mean our planet's climate actually fluctuates? Some scientists are just now figuring that out:
    The bitter winter afflicting much of the Northern Hemisphere is only the start of a global trend towards cooler weather that is likely to last for 20 or 30 years, say some of the world’s most eminent climate scientists. Their predictions – based on an analysis of natural cycles in water temperatures in the Pacific and Atlantic oceans – challenge some of the global warming orthodoxy's most deeply cherished beliefs, such as the claim that the North Pole will be free of ice in summer by 2013. According to the US National Snow and Ice Data Centre in Colorado, Arctic summer sea ice has increased by 409,000 square miles, or 26 per cent, since 2007 – and even the most committed global warming activists do not dispute this.
Just wait. Al Gore will take the credit for this.

Monday, January 04, 2010

Ten Sci-Fi Shows from the '80s You May Have Forgotten

In no particular order:
  1. Manimal

  2. Voyagers

  3. Misfits of Science

  4. The Phoenix

  5. Alien Nation

  6. Starman

  7. Max Headroom

  8. Streethawk

  9. Automan

  10. Blue Thunder

Sunday, January 03, 2010

Tree-Hating Squirrels Invade Clemson University

Clemson University has declared war on gray squirrels, spending the month of December trapping and euthanizing the evil rodents which have been responsible for killing about 100 mature trees by chewing on the bark for food and making their territory. Around 10 percent of the trees on campus have been damaged, costing the university approximately $1 million over the last 10 years.

It is estimated that Clemson has two to three times the normal population of squirrels per acre. A birth control program (no doubt involving sex education classes and the distribution of free condoms) didn't work, so university officials were forced to employ more drastic measures.

While I wish the folks at Clemson luck in their fight, I can't help but think that they brought this on themselves. As we all know, universities are notorious hotbeds for political correctness. I'm sure the school's stance on violence prevention helped drive out the squirrels' natural predators, and it's "green policies" most likely encouraged students and faculty to welcome the cute and cuddly invaders with open arms.

It's nice to see them finally waking up to reality.

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