George Washington University has obtained recently declassified government documents for its National Security Archive that, for the first time, acknowledge the existence of the infamous Area 51. The documents describe the creation of the top-secret site and the government's spy plane program. No, there isn't any mention of aliens.
It's not unusual for an ape or monkey that feels threatened to fling its poo at an attacker. Now one researcher has patented a similar tactic for humans.
Aleksandr Georgievich Semenov came up with a rather disgustingly unique way for soldiers manning a tank to kill two birds with one stone. Since such cramped quarters can make for poor sanitary conditions, why not weaponize the human waste and make it someone else's problem?
The concept is rather simple. Basically, a soldier relieves himself into an explosive artillery shell and then fires it at the enemy. The idea is to inflict physical and psychological damage.
I can think of one major problem: this may fall under the Geneva Convention's prohibition of the use of chemical and biological weapons.
OK, so it isn't exactly napalm-scented, but that was the best paraphrase of an olfactory-related movie quote I could come up with to introduce you to the military's new line of colognes. Manufactured by Parfumologie, The American Line features a unique, officially licensed fragrance for each branch of the armed forces.
Army: Patton "Patton defines masculinity with a sensual, woodsy fragrance. A confident blend of sage, bergamot and cedar elicit feelings of majestic woodlands and endless horizons."
I'm guessing the best way to apply this is to have someone else slap some on your face while swearing at you and calling you a coward.
Marines: Devil Dog "Intense and brave, Devil Dog is a finely crafted fusion of sandalwood, cedar, and citric spices. Classic yet modern, the undeniable sophistication stands as a proud reminder of honor and tradition."
Semper fi? More like semper fine!
Navy: Liberty "An invigorating fragrance that knows no boundaries. Liberty harnesses the energy of the open waters with a rush of deep aquatic notes, merged with cool green leaf and anchored by hints of woody amber."
One whiff of this and you'll be wanting to "Gitmo" before supplies run out.
Air Force: Stealth "Stealth evokes the freedom of the big blue sky. This lush combination of deep basil, warm spice and brushed suede defines casual elegance and exhilarates the sense with a blast of fresh air."
Sure, it has a refreshing scent, but how stealthy is it if they can smell you coming?
Coast Guard: Rip Tide "Riptide conjures the elements of seas and wind in an unmistakably nautical fragrance. A cocktail of fresh citrus notes mingled with vibrant spices inspire confidence and remind that you are always ready."
One bottle will probably last longer than the NBC detective series of the same name. Plus, it doubles as a flotation device.
The U.S. military has begun using environmentally conscious ammo. But don't worry. These "green" bullets are actually more deadly than their lead predecessors.
Now, when G.I. Joe guns down an enemy, his conscience can be assuaged by the fact that his bullets aren't poisoning the environment. Military policy is nothing if not ironic.
Sure, they're trained to kill, but that doesn't mean women in the military don't want to look fabulous. According to Military.com, Georgia's Ft. Benning is trying out a new Army Combat Uniform for women.
Capt. Patricia Cameron is liking the new uniform and the compliments she's been getting. "People keep asking me: 'Did you do something different? Did you lose some weight?' ... Before I was feeling kind of frumpy in my uniform, whereas now I feel like I look like a professional." Cameron is one of about 150 female soldiers selected to try out the uniform for three months.
The new uniform has incorporated all sorts of changes aimed at giving women more room in those areas where it's needed. The response so far has been very positive. Just ask Sgt. Shakeisha Cheeks. She thinks the new elastic waistband "makes all the difference."
But, alas, that elastic waistband will have to wait. In keeping with bureaucratic military tradition, a new female uniform won't be made standard issue until 2014.
Sadly, I cannot help but see a more serious side to this story. My biggest problem is the inherent implication of the term "Army Combat Uniform for women." Perhaps that's just my chivalrous side coming out, but the Pentagon's Military Leadership Diversity Commission has already recommended "that ground combat units be open to female troops, arguing women are already engaged in combat and that keeping them out of operational career fields puts them at a disadvantage when it comes to promotion."
Apparently, our nation has moved beyond the "Do we dare send women into combat?" stage and into the "We want our sisters, daughters, wives, and mothers to feel comfortable and look good when we send them off to die" stage. Kind of a sad commentary, if you ask me.
