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Tuesday, August 09, 2011

"I love to smell like napalm in the morning"

OK, so it isn't exactly napalm-scented, but that was the best paraphrase of an olfactory-related movie quote I could come up with to introduce you to the military's new line of colognes. Manufactured by Parfumologie, The American Line features a unique, officially licensed fragrance for each branch of the armed forces.

Army: Patton
"Patton defines masculinity with a sensual, woodsy fragrance. A confident blend of sage, bergamot and cedar elicit feelings of majestic woodlands and endless horizons."

I'm guessing the best way to apply this is to have someone else slap some on your face while swearing at you and calling you a coward.

Marines: Devil Dog
"Intense and brave, Devil Dog is a finely crafted fusion of sandalwood, cedar, and citric spices. Classic yet modern, the undeniable sophistication stands as a proud reminder of honor and tradition."

Semper fi? More like semper fine!

Navy: Liberty
"An invigorating fragrance that knows no boundaries. Liberty harnesses the energy of the open waters with a rush of deep aquatic notes, merged with cool green leaf and anchored by hints of woody amber."

One whiff of this and you'll be wanting to "Gitmo" before supplies run out.

Air Force: Stealth
"Stealth evokes the freedom of the big blue sky. This lush combination of deep basil, warm spice and brushed suede defines casual elegance and exhilarates the sense with a blast of fresh air."

Sure, it has a refreshing scent, but how stealthy is it if they can smell you coming?

Coast Guard: Rip Tide
"Riptide conjures the elements of seas and wind in an unmistakably nautical fragrance. A cocktail of fresh citrus notes mingled with vibrant spices inspire confidence and remind that you are always ready."

One bottle will probably last longer than the NBC detective series of the same name. Plus, it doubles as a flotation device.

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