Mandles

Have a Coke and a...Tax?

Utah legislator Craig Frank (a Republican, no less) wants to raise revenue by imposing a new tax -- not on tobacco, but on another addictive substance:

Frank, R-American Fork, has asked lawmakers over the next year to study the potential for taxing caffeine, a response to proposals this session to hike the tax on cigarettes -- all of which failed.

Frank said his intent initially was just to target caffeinated sodas and other cold beverages, but he has decided to look at the substance more broadly.

"Some feel [the cigarette tax is] a tax on those who are addicted to a substance that frankly they enjoy [but] we say that's a harmful thing to do.

At the same time, the government is addicted to the fee revenues," said Frank. "So in light of that, if we're really going to find a revenue stream on something addictive, why not cold caffeine?"

Just wait until the thugs in Washington catch wind of this.

William Shatner: The Face of Horror

Barbie Banned?

Yes, some people would like to see Barbie dolls banished from store shelves:

Her measurements are still 36-18-38 as Barbie turns 50 this week.

But if one West Virginia lawmaker has his way, Barbie could be banned in the Mountain State.

"I just hate the image that we give to our kids that if you're beautiful, you're beautiful and you don't have to be smart," said Del. Jeff Eldridge of Lincoln County, W. Va.

Eldridge proposed a bill to ban sales of Mattel's blond bombshell and others like her because it puts to much emphasis on physical beauty but he's finding it hard to get people to sign on.

"I knew a lot of people were going to joke about it and make fun of me," said Eldridge. "I couldn't get anybody to sign on the bill with me and I said I'm still going to introduce it."

Sounds like someone really need to get a hobby.

The 100 Most Beautiful Words in the English Language

Try using words like these the next time you play Scrabble:

• adroit
  
• cynosure
  
• emollient
  
• fugacioius
  
• jejune
  
• mellifluous
  
• pyrrhic
  
• sempiternal

See the entire list, as well as a few bonus words, here.

Change We Can Believe In

(HT: Chris Knight)

Fireman Accidentally Inhales Kitten

Currently making its way around the World Wide Web:

The story, whether true or not, is at least 15 years old. It was included in Jay Leno's Police Blotter, published in 1994.

Pride and Extreme Prejudice

Filmmakers have been butchering literary classics for the last century, so this latest assault on Jane Austen should come as no surprise. Consider the following movies currently in the works:

Pride and Predator
Oh, yes. That Predator. This film "veers from the traditional period costume drama when an alien crash lands and begins to butcher the mannered protags, who suddenly have more than marriage and inheritance to worry about."

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
The book, which is set to be made into a movie courtesy of Natalie Portman, "features the original text of Jane Austen's beloved novel with all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie action. As our story opens, a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton -- and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace, but she's soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy. What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized sparring between the two young lovers -- and even more violent sparring on the blood-soaked battlefield as Elizabeth wages war against hordes of flesh-eating undead."

Methinks Hollywood has officially run out of ideas.

(HT: the inimitable Chris Knight)

Hairing Aid

According to Guinness, Radhakant Baijpai has the world's longest ear hair:

Considered by Mr. Baijpai, 58, to be symbol of luck and prosperity, his ear-hair has been growing since he was 18 and more importantly has never been cut.

Maintained by a specially prepared blend of herbal shampoo, Mr. Baijpai has so far resisted the pleas of his long suffering wife to cut it off.

"She has always been asking me to cut my ear-hair, but since the official record was confirmed by Guinness, she has allowed me to keep it because it is a source of pride to me," says Mr. Baijpai a resident of the northern Indian state of Uttar Pradesh.

Fortunately, I'm married to someone who maintains a constant vigil on my ear (and nose) hair. Thanks, Honey!

Zombie/Raptor Holocaust: Fact or Fiction?

As if rush hour traffic wasn't chaotic enough. From the AP:

Pranksters in at least three states are messing with electronic road signs meant to warn motorists of possible traffic problems by putting drivers on notice about Nazi zombies and raptors. And highway safety officials aren't amused.

The latest breach came Tuesday during the morning rush hour near Collinsville, Ill., where hackers changed a sign along southbound Interstate 255 to read, "DAILY LANE CLOSURES DUE TO ZOMBIES."

A day earlier in Indiana's Hamilton County, the electronic message on a board in Carmel's construction zone warned drivers of "RAPTORS AHEAD — CAUTION."

And signs in Austin, Texas, recently flashed: "NAZI ZOMBIES! RUN!!!" and "ZOMBIES IN AREA! RUN."

Officials in Illinois are concerned the rewritten signs distract motorists from heeding legitimate hazards down the road. The hacked sign on Tuesday originally warned drivers of crews replacing guardrails.

"We understood it was a hoax, but at the same time those boards are there for a reason," said Joe Gasaway, an Illinois Department of Transportation supervisory field engineer. "We don't want (drivers) being distracted by a funny sign."

Hmmmmm. The government seems to be rather quick in dismissing this as a hoax. If you happen to live in Illinois, Indiana, or Texas, I'd keep an eye out...just in case.