A culinary observation

From my blog White Noise:

Feeling stupid in the hardware store

There are two topics you can bring up if you ever want to make me feel stupid: cars and home improvement. I don't crawl under my car and change the oil myself. I have no desire to change the oil myself, and I wouldn't know how even if I did. And as for improving things around the home, I will put in a new light fixture and maybe even a new light bulb, but that's about it.

Still, as a guy, I like going to the hardware store -- any hardware store or home center. There's something about being surrounded by power tools and lumber that provides a boost to one's masculinity. However, on occasion, even the simplest errand reminds me of just how incompetent I really am.

Yesterday I went to a local home center to get a replacement sprinkler head for our in-ground sprinkler system. I even took the broken one so I could match it as closely as possible. I wandered around the lawn care section for what seemed like an eternity. I did notice a sign that said "sprinklers," but it was merely referring to the ones you attach to the business end of a garden hose. While it wasn't what I needed, I knew I had to be getting warm.

Come on! I thought to myself. You're can do this. It can't be that hard.

No luck.

Finally, admitting defeat, I tracked down an employee and approached him with a sense of trepidation. "Where can I find a replacement for this?" I asked, holding up my broken sprinkler head out of fear of not calling it by it's correct name and inviting condescending smirks from the other employees standing nearby. "Oh, that's over in plumbing," the gentlemen replied, in a matter-of-fact tone.

Plumbing! Of course! Silly me. Faucets. Sinks. Showers. Toilets. Outdoor sprinkler heads. It was so obvious that I felt like a fool for not thinking of it myself.

(And to think that the lawn care specialist who comes out every fall to winterize our sprinkler system must be laughing it up with his buddies. "You mean he doesn't call a plumber to take care of that? What an idiot!" "Hey, as long as he's willing to pay me to do it, who cares?")

I managed a sheepish "Thank you" and slunk away to the other side of the store, my ego bruised once again.

A modicum of self-esteem returned when I managed to get the thing into the ground and turn on the sprinkler system to make sure it worked. "Maybe I shouldn't feel too bad," I told myself. "At least I didn't have to cough up $300 for a plumber."

Time lapse video of the Phoenix dust storm

Typical Midwestern inquiry: "I hear things are a little dusty down there."

Typical Phoenician response: "Yeah, but it's a dry dust."

We're number one!

The U.S. is a world leader in many areas. Let's look at a few:

We have the largest total prison population.

The U.S. has the highest percentage of obese people.

We have the highest divorce rate.

Our nation has the most reported murders.

We lead the world in military spending, more than China, Russia, Japan, India, and the rest of NATO combined.

The U.S. has the most complicated tax system in the world.

You can read more depressing statistics here.

Neighborhood pet cemetery

As far as I know, the animals buried here don't come back to life (as in the Stephen King novel), but this pet cemetery is located on Cope Avenue. Really.

Cop causes crash over chicken bone

A man who was dining and driving on a busy road in Swansea, Wales, tossed a chicken bone from his vehicle. A cop in an unmarked police car saw him, and just had to brake suddenly in an effort to catch the litter bug.

The result...

Naturally, the hungry driver is being held responsible.

(Source: The Sun)

Mmmmmm! Peanuts!

(Source: Go Comics)

World's most expensive razor is from outer space

At $100,000, the Zafirro Iridium is the world's most expensive razor. It is made from meteorite metal, and the manufacturer claims its sapphire blades will "last forever." The secret is in the sharpening method, which utilizes high-energy, ionized particles, resulting in an edge that is less than 100 atoms thick. That's 5,000 times smaller than the width of the average human hair.

The handle is composed primarily of iridium, which is derived almost exclusively from meteorites, making it one of the strongest and rarest metals known to man. That's why only 99 of these razors will be made. Better hurry and get your order in now.

Thing 3 and Thing 4

(Source: Ironic Sans)

Future science fiction events that have "already happened"

The problem with many science fiction stories is that they limit themselves by assigning specific dates to major events. Once those dates come and go, those stories just don't seem as convincing anymore.

Scott Bradford lists a few examples. Among them:

• 1991 - Intelligent slave apes rise up against humans and conquer the world. (Conquest of the Planet of the Apes)
  
  
• 1993 - Khan Noonien Singh and other genetic supermen rise to power and control over 40 countries between 1993 and 1996. (Star Trek)
  
  
• 1997/2004 - The Skynet computer network becomes self-aware and turns on the human population. The original date of 1997 changes because of what happens in T2, but the event does eventually occur in T3. (The Terminator)
  
  
• 2010 - The Soviet Union still exists, and a joint Soviet-U.S. mission is launched to find out what happened to the spaceship Discovery in 2001. Jupiter is ignited and becomes a star, and life is created on Europa. (2010: The Year We Make Contact)

Remember that fateful day in 1951 when the earth stood still? I'm sure we could come up with a virtually endless list of similar examples. Can you think of any other movies that include "past" future events?