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Wednesday, November 04, 2009

"Awesome" Mayoral Candidate

Sometimes I miss living in Minneapolis. Here on the east side of the river we just don't get "awesome" mayoral candidates like Joey Lombard:
    Joey, like most people, started life as a baby and he only got bigger from there. Growing up on the Northside, Joey attended his neighborhood schools. It was there that the learned to read and write, a skill which is all too useful for many politicians. Upon acquiring this literacy, Joey continued his academic career in the Minneapolis Public School system. Although Joey regrettably transferred to out-of-city schools for several years, he ultimately returned and graduated sub cum laude from Patrick Henry High School in 2005.

    Since that time, Joey has led a life of continued awesomeness. Having enlisted and served in both the U.S. Air Force, and the U.S. Army, Joey understands what it takes to be great. This employment dedication led him to a high-end job in Downtown Minneapolis where he regularly spoke with Minneapolitans of all backgrounds and learned what they wanted and worked to deliver such.

    Joey, when not practicing his piano or guitar, spends much of his time in Minneapolis, often riding public transit and shopping at local, small businesses. Everyday, Joey continues to discuss politics with concerned citizens, furthering his knowledge of and commitment to the improvement of his city.

Perhaps the most appealing aspect of his campaign was his promise to improve the city by "putting his years of playing Sim City to use."

Did I mention that Joey "is awesome"? No, really. It even said so on the ballot:

Too bad he didn't win. He certainly was infinitely more qualified than the bloated bureaucrats who have held the office up until now.

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