Squirrels sabotage Portland power grid
BREAKING NEWS: Squirrels are responsible for a rash of terrorist attacks in suburban Portland:
When the power goes out on a hot day, most people assume overuse of air conditioning is to blame.Wouldn't we all?
But from June 12 through July 7, four substation outages in Portland's westside suburbs and in North Portland were caused by adorably nimble, fluffy-tailed and overly adventurous squirrels.
All four outages were in PGE territory and one — the Oak Hills substation at Northwest Cornell Road and Twin Oaks Drive in Beaverton — was hit twice. (By different squirrels, of course.)
"This is clearly an unusual convergence of squirrel activity," said Steve Corson, spokesman for PGE. "We'd like to have a break from squirrels for awhile."
Meanwhile, in Indiana...
An Indiana Michigan Power spokesman says a squirrel got into a substation in Elkhart County and knocked out power to more than 4,000 customers.
Beware blood-thirsty ground squirrels in Borneo
Just be thankful we don't have to deal with vampire squirrels here in America:
Local legends suggest that Rheithrosciurus, which is thought to mostly eat giant acorns, can be savage. Hunters say that the squirrels will perch on low branches, jump onto a deer, gash its jugular vein, and disembowel the carcass.Um...yeah. Good luck with all that.
Squirrel terrorist training camp
It seems squirrel terrorists are getting a little help in their training from human collaborators:
Sad news from California
Thanks to the hippie cowards running the city of Berkeley, problem squirrels will escape extermination:
Berkeley's squirrels can relax: The city is not going to gas them to death.Sure. Punish the humans.
After months of deliberation by a specially convened squirrel subcommittee, the city staff has decided that the best way to control the chubby rodents is to stop feeding them.
The City Council unanimously approved a new city law Tuesday night that criminalizes the feeding of wildlife in city parks. Those caught throwing peanuts or breadcrumbs to squirrels, gophers or other critters could face a $1,000 fine, six months in jail or both.