Tree-Hating Squirrels Invade Clemson University

Clemson University has declared war on gray squirrels, spending the month of December trapping and euthanizing the evil rodents which have been responsible for killing about 100 mature trees by chewing on the bark for food and making their territory. Around 10 percent of the trees on campus have been damaged, costing the university approximately $1 million over the last 10 years.

It is estimated that Clemson has two to three times the normal population of squirrels per acre. A birth control program (no doubt involving sex education classes and the distribution of free condoms) didn't work, so university officials were forced to employ more drastic measures.

While I wish the folks at Clemson luck in their fight, I can't help but think that they brought this on themselves. As we all know, universities are notorious hotbeds for political correctness. I'm sure the school's stance on violence prevention helped drive out the squirrels' natural predators, and it's "green policies" most likely encouraged students and faculty to welcome the cute and cuddly invaders with open arms.

It's nice to see them finally waking up to reality.

The Miracle of Flight

Takuo Toda, an engineer from Japan, recently tried to break his own flight record. He fell short by a mere 1.8 seconds. (Full story here.)

Still, at 26.1 seconds, it was the best time on record for a paper-only airplane. Toda, who heads the Japan Origami Airplane Association, hopes to one day realize the dream of every paper airplane pilot: breaking the 30-second barrier.

"I will get the 30-second record," he said. "It's just a matter of time."

Godspeed, Mr. Toda. Godspeed.

The Lost Ending to a Holiday Classic

Merry Christmas, everyone!

My Face Is Tingling...

My Kind of Cheese

Yeah, it's expensive, but I'd still love to try some of this:

A 15-year-old Wisconsin cheddar that's possibly the most mature such cheese for sale continues to fly off the shelves, even at $50 per pound. The cheddar is produced by Hook's Cheese Co. in Mineral Point. Owner Tony Hook says he started with 1,200 pounds of Hook's 15-year Sharp Cheddar but it could be gone by the weekend.

You can visit Hook's Cheese Co. here.

First Church of Tiger Woods Disbands

From TigerWoodsIsGod.com:

After several days of evaluation, I have decided to disband the First Church of Tiger Woods (as indicated by the graphics at the top of this web site) and I will not renew the TigerWoodsIsGod domain name when it expires in a couple of months. Any future commentary on this site (which may not happen at all) will be regarding Tiger's failings in relation to his affair/accident debacle which continues to unfold almost by the hour.

Because the First Church of Tiger Woods has been in existence since late 1996 and this web site has been around since early 2000, you might think that such a decision might be difficult. In this case, it was not. Unfortunately, Tiger Woods has made it all to easy to realize that he is no longer worthy of any special admiration.

It seems having these escapades brought to light has been a healthy dose of reality not only for Tiger but for his fans as well.

More "Britiocy" from Across the Pond

Here's the latest example:

Parents who teach their own children at home must undergo criminal records checks, say Government education inspectors.

The estimated 40,000 parents who choose not to send their children to school should be vetted, says Ofsted [Office for Standards in Education]. It said that parents whose records throw up suspicions should be barred from teaching their own children.

With all the idiotic stories coming out of Great(?) Britain these days, I think the word "britiocy" should officially be added to our vocabulary.

"As God As My Witness, I Thought Turkeys Could Fly"

Here's the classic WKRP episode "Turkeys Away."



Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Golfing = Littering

What was once a gentleman's sport is now considered an environmental hazard. From CNN:

Research teams at the Danish Golf Union have discovered it takes between 100 to 1,000 years for a golf ball to decompose naturally. A startling fact when it is also estimated 300 million balls are lost or discarded in the United States alone, every year. It seems the simple plastic golf ball is increasingly becoming a major litter problem. ...

... Local government ministers in Scotland have also complained about the level of golf ball littering. UK lawmaker Patrick Harvie told CNN: "From the moon to the bottom of Loch Ness, golf balls are humanity's signature litter in the most inaccessible locations."

Of course, anyone who has watched Seinfeld knows the damage golf balls can do to the environment:

"Awesome" Mayoral Candidate

Sometimes I miss living in Minneapolis. Here on the east side of the river we just don't get "awesome" mayoral candidates like Joey Lombard:

Joey, like most people, started life as a baby and he only got bigger from there. Growing up on the Northside, Joey attended his neighborhood schools. It was there that the learned to read and write, a skill which is all too useful for many politicians. Upon acquiring this literacy, Joey continued his academic career in the Minneapolis Public School system. Although Joey regrettably transferred to out-of-city schools for several years, he ultimately returned and graduated sub cum laude from Patrick Henry High School in 2005.

Since that time, Joey has led a life of continued awesomeness. Having enlisted and served in both the U.S. Air Force, and the U.S. Army, Joey understands what it takes to be great. This employment dedication led him to a high-end job in Downtown Minneapolis where he regularly spoke with Minneapolitans of all backgrounds and learned what they wanted and worked to deliver such.

Joey, when not practicing his piano or guitar, spends much of his time in Minneapolis, often riding public transit and shopping at local, small businesses. Everyday, Joey continues to discuss politics with concerned citizens, furthering his knowledge of and commitment to the improvement of his city.

Perhaps the most appealing aspect of his campaign was his promise to improve the city by "putting his years of playing Sim City to use."

Did I mention that Joey "is awesome"? No, really. It even said so on the ballot:

Too bad he didn't win. He certainly was infinitely more qualified than the bloated bureaucrats who have held the office up until now.