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Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Slothfulness is Green

Realizing that my activities in observation of Earth Hour were somewhat counterproductive, I have decided that perhaps I can better contribute to the environmental cause by doing nothing. Here are my new top-ten earth-friendly resolutions:


1) I shall continue to procrastinate at replacing the light bulb in the bedroom closet that has been burned out for a month.

2) I will let all the rest of the lights in my house burn out, too. Who needs to see after dark, anyway. The television lights itself.

3) Instead of replacing my deteriorating wooden back yard privacy fence, I will allow it to compost.

4) I will let my lawn get taken over this summer by native tall-grass prairie.

5) In an effort to avoid consumption of fossil fuels, I will stop changing the oil in my cars.

6) I will constantly drive my car on an almost-empty tank, so that it is lighter and burns less gas.

7) I will keep the refrigerator chock-full of beer, so that less air and more dense liquid and glass helps maintain the cold temperature.

8) I will encourage my dog to naturally fertilize all the neighborhood lawns.

9) To protest global warming, I will stage a sit-in, but will do so here in the convenience of my own home, to reduce my travel carbon imprint.

10) I will not bother trying to think up number 10 and take a nap instead.


Who knew inactivity could do so much for the planet?

1 comment:

Lee Shelton IV said...

Kermit was right: It's not easy being green -- slothfully or otherwise.

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